Snogwarts: Choice
by SNOGWARTS
Summary: She didn’t really have the confidence to offer this. She was asking me what I loved more – her or alcohol – and she was afraid of the answer because she truly didn’t know what it was.


SNOGWARTS

Choice

By GOLD fish 945

Assigned by Courtney

"Where's Hermione?" I looked up, and Harry was looking at me with a puzzled expression. I felt a twinge of annoyance.

"How should I know?" I almost snarled. I wished people would quit bringing Hermione up to me. He knew perfectly well how we had broken up, and he knew that I was definitely _not_ happy about it.

"_RON!" she shrieked, her eyes wild and her face the color of a Gryffindor banner. "THIS IS IT! I CANNOT TAKE THIS ANYMORE."_

"_What?" I asked dumbly._

"_YOU ARE THE ABSOLUTE… I CAN'T EVEN TELL YOU WHAT…" She seemed at a loss for words, and I just gazed at her, avoiding the truth I knew was there._

"_Hermione…"_

"_No," she said. Even though she'd stopped screaming, this sounded much more dangerous. "No. You lied to me. _Again._ You weren't visiting your mother, or Harry, or your sister. You were never visiting people. You were going to get blackout drunk and spending what little money we have. What don't you understand about 'poor and unemployed'?" I couldn't tell if her expression was angry or pitying._

"_I –" I began, but she cut me off._

"_No, Ronald Weasley. No. This is it," she said. And now her expression was defiant. "No. I'm sorry, Ron. This isn't working out anymore. If you ever fix yourself up and stay sober, let me know. I'll be interested. You have a week to get out of this apartment."_

"_Wait, I have to leave?" I was really pissed now. She'd just broken up with me, and she was _kicking me out_?_

"_Yes, you do," she said. Her voice was steady, not even an undertone of regret in it. "Because I pay the rent, and I put down money for the mortgage. So you have to leave."_

_This was true, and for once I was speechless in an argument with her. She had won._

"_Fine," I said._

With that, I'd Apparated to Harry's. He was living with Ginny, but I didn't care. There was no way I was going home to my _mother_, or any of my other siblings. Either way, I wasn't going to Ginny. I was going to Harry.

Harry had been sympathetic, even though I knew he agreed with Hermione. Ginny had given me a disgusted look and gone to make something for me to drink – unfortunately, no alcohol.

Didn't Hermione understand? My brother had died less than a year before! I needed an escape, a way to forget that I would never see Fred again. But she couldn't understand, because she was an only child. My stomach churned with guilt and sadness.

Fred wasn't the only reason I was unhappy. Now that the whole Voldemort thing was over – nearly for a year now – I felt purposeless. Harry didn't need my help anymore. He just needed me to be his friend, but somehow just being someone's friend didn't feel like enough anymore. I needed to be _doing_ something. But Harry and Hermione were both so insistent on taking some time off to relax. Hermione was studying for her N.E.W.T.'s almost constantly, but that was the least relaxing thing I could think of, and I was opposed to anything involving school for as long as possible. I knew that Harry and I would both have to sit the tests eventually if we wanted to officially graduate Hogwarts, but I wasn't too eager about it. Harry had already decided to actually go _back_ to Hogwarts once it was rebuilt, along with Ginny.

So my decision was left open – study on my own, or go back to school for one more year. I still hadn't decided, and now the only person who I thought I could talk to on the subject didn't want me around. And Harry was stupid enough to ask me if I knew where she was.

"Sorry," said Harry. "But you haven't moved out yet, so I thought maybe you'd know."

"She left earlier," I said. "Didn't tell _me_ where she was going."

"Where are you planning to stay?" asked Harry, and I looked up incredulously.

"With you!" I said. Of course I'd stay with him! What kind of stupid question was that? He raised an eyebrow.

"You want to live with me and Ginny?" he asked skeptically. I froze. I hadn't thought of that. Who knew what Harry and Ginny got up to alone… And I really didn't want to find out.

"Um, maybe just 'til I find somewhere else," I said. "She wants me out by Thursday, so I need to get going on that. But I need somewhere to stay for another couple weeks until I can find myself an apartment."

"How are you planning on paying for an apartment without a job?"

"How do _you_?" I asked, getting annoyed very quickly.

"The gold my parents left me," he said, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot. I knew he was self-conscious about his money. I thought it was bloody retarded. The git had money, and felt bad about it?

"Well, I'll have to get a job somewhere," I said. I thought about the possibilities.

For the next three weeks, I thought about possibilities.

I looked through the ads in the _Daily Prophet_, but there was nothing. I spent my time between sleeping and getting drunk searching for jobs, just to get rid of the stabbing hole in my chest that was the absence of Hermione. I hadn't seen her in almost a month, and June was approaching fast. Summer jobs were always a possibility.

Finally, in mid-June, I found _something_ to do, and a way to get out of Harry's apartment, where I was becoming increasingly unwelcome. (Not that Harry would say so. It was mostly pointed glares from Ginny that told me to hurry up and get out.)

Tom, the barman at the Leaky Cauldron, needed some help around the place. He offered me a place to stay in exchange for working some horrendous night hours. So, all through the rest of June, and most of July, I slept throughout the day and worked from seven in the evening 'til about five in the morning. It was awful, but I didn't actually end up doing much. There were only a couple times that I had to get drinks or give out rooms. Most people had places to be at two-thirty am. Like their nice, warm beds, next to the person they loved most in the world.

I spent many of these nights buying myself some drinks and getting hammered. Of course, it wasn't the same as getting hammered in broad daylight, around noon. It was perfectly acceptable to be smashed on the job at four in the morning. Tom didn't even care that I stumbled up to bed every morning. He probably just figured I was tired.

But I wasn't. I was drunk. I usually spent a couple hours laying awake, staring at the ceiling, thinking about Hermione and wishing for another couple drinks, so I could really forget.

One evening, (I had finally lost track of the days, which was something I'd been striving to do even since she broke up with me) Tom handed me a letter, and I gave him a questioning look as he yawned.

"Post for you, this afternoon," he said, heading up to bed. I opened it. It was from Ginny.

_Ron,_ it read.

_We're having a party for Harry next Saturday. Can you make it? I know your hours are really odd, but I hope you'll be there! We all miss you! Get some time off and come to Harry's eighteenth birthday party. You know you want to!_

_Ginny_

She was wrong. I didn't want to go at all. Hermione would be there, and she'd just give me dark looks every time I drank anything, whether it had alcohol in it or not. But it was my best friend's party. And I had to at least try.

"Hey, Tom," I said, catching him before he managed to get up the steps.

"Hm, Weasley?"

"My mate's birthday party is next Saturday. Can I have the night off?" He gave me a calculating look before answering.

"Harry Potter?" he asked. I nodded. "Well, alright then. You've been working every night for over a month. I think you deserve a night off. Especially for Harry Potter!" I tried not to scowl. Yeah, Harry was good enough for me to have a night off. And now I had to go survive Hermione's looks instead of just getting drunk the way I usually did. It was a nightmare. _And _I had to get Harry something as a present…

The whole idea was terrible.

The next week passed far too quickly for me. I managed to find Harry some stupid present, something about Quidditch, but I still dreaded the party more and more with each passing hour. I dreaded seeing Hermione.

Hermione Jean Granger. The alcohol in my system had been effectively dulling the pain of not seeing her, but I hadn't gotten any drinks in me yet, and thinking of her made it hard to breathe normally. I heard her voice in my head, telling me that I was only welcome back in her life if I stopped drinking and lying to her about it.

"'Ow ya doin' there, mate?" said someone, some customer.

"Good evening," I said. "How can I help you?"

"Jus' gimme three shots of Firewhiskey," he said, and I complied. I held the bottle tightly in my grasp. This was the part where I pulled out an extra and poured myself a shot (or six) of Firewhiskey. But as I looked at the small glass, my sober mind filled with Hermione's words and face, I simply put the alcohol away and waited for the next customer to arrive.

I could get her back. I could _try_.

"Ron! You came!" said Ginny happily. "You never said if you were or not!"

"Oh," I said, adjusting my sunglasses. "Sorry, I forgot. I figured you'd just assume I was coming."

"Well, we did," said Ginny. "Kind of. No one's seen you in forever! Harry keeps whining about how he misses you. You need to start seeing everyone more often, you know!" Only separation could make Ginny this happy to see me. She was usually so anal and pushy. And irritating. And irritated. But she seemed to legitimately happy to see me that I couldn't help but smile.

"Really? He whined?" I asked.

"Just every single day," said Ginny, exasperated. "It was so annoying. Come on it, almost everyone's here!" With that, all previous joy evaporated. Hermione was probably just in there. Cold fear gripped my stomach, and Ginny saw it.

"Don't worry," she said quietly. "She promised to be… nice."

I tried to respond, but all I could manage was a grunt. I entered Harry and Ginny's apartment to see a party in full swing. There was music coming from the Wireless in the background, food and drinks splayed everywhere, and people laughing, joking, talking, and even a few people dancing. I tried _not_ to look for a certain head of bushy hair, but of course, it wasn't hard to find Hermione, who was talking to Oliver Wood. Jealousy ripped through my chest, but I stifled it. I walked right past her, brushing her shoulder, and stopped next to Harry.

"Hey, mate," I said. "Happy birthday!"

"Ron!" said Harry happily, pulling me in for a hug. It was rather awkward and short, but fulfilled its purpose. "Merlin, mate, I've missed you! How's that job working out?"

"Great," I said loudly. "I work every day. This is the first day off I've ever requested. My boss had no problem with it, either."

"Where do you work again?" asked Wood, coming to join our conversation, bringing a hesitant-looking Hermione with him. I couldn't help but notice the way his arm was slung around her shoulder.

"What?" I asked, having completely missed the question.

"Where do you work?" repeated Wood.

"Leaky Cauldron," I said, hoping that no one would get the wrong idea.

"Really?" said Wood. "I didn't know Tom was hiring. He's managed that bar pretty well for so long."

"Yeah, well, I work nights," I supplied. "If anybody wanders in late, I give them a room or whatever they order."

"How many people come in at three am asking for drinks?" asked Harry, laughing a little.

"Not many," I admitted. "I just stand around most of the time. It's not bad, but it's a roof over my head and a bit of money. I've been saving up, but it's not much yet. I'll find somewhere else to live eventually. I'm thinking about just forgetting the N.E.W.T.'s altogether. It's not like I'd pass well anyway."

"What?" said Hermione, speaking for the first time. I looked directly into her eyes, determined.

"I'm probably not going to take the N.E.W.T.'s," I said. "There's no reason to." She looked away from my harsh gaze, blushing. I could feel the awkwardness building, and I was sure it was even worse for Harry and Oliver, but I could not help it. I had to do something to her.

"Aw, c-come on, Ron," said Harry finally, stuttering a bit. "The N.E.W.T.'s are important! You should come back to Hogwarts with me!" I shrugged.

"I really like my job," I lied. "It's fun."

"What, staying up all night and doing nothing?" said Harry. "That's more fun than going to Hogwarts?"

"We're too old for Hogwarts," I said.

"If McGonagall is going to let us back, it's worth it," said Harry. I could feel a fight coming. I didn't want to ruin Harry's birthday, so I bit back my retort and shrugged. I turned to leave, muttering something about getting a snack. No one stopped me.

I went into their kitchen, grabbing a finger sandwich. I knew it wasn't what I needed, and as I chewed, my eyes searched for the one thing I knew would make this whole situation a lot less painful – alcohol. I opened their cabinets, including the one Charmed to stay cold, and I eventually found several types of alcohol in one of the drawers.

I stared at it for a moment, contemplating. There were other people drinking out there, I'd seen it. But if I started, I wouldn't be able to stop, especially since I hadn't had anything for over twenty-four hours. It was so tantalizing. I could almost smell it, taste it on my tongue. I didn't move. My hand was itching to reach out and grab a bottle, and I felt my fingers unconsciously let go of the door of the cabinet, reaching forward.

"No!" I jumped, straightening up to see Hermione giving me a strange look.

"No what?" I snarled.

"Don't drink," she said quietly. "Please don't."

"Why do you care?" I asked, fury rising up in me. Now I wanted to drink just to hurt her, the way she'd hurt me.

"Because I care about _you_, Ron!" she burst out. "Because I don't want you to end up a drunk hobo in Diagon Alley, begging for coins to get your next fix!"

"I have a _job_," I said scathingly. "I have a place to live and food and money for the rest of my life if I want it."

"You want that to be your life?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. Her skepticism made my blood boil. "That's what you want?"

"No," I said through gritted teeth. "I _wanted_ you, but that's not good enough for you, is it?"

"Wanted?" she asked. Her expression had changed drastically in only a second, from annoyance to fear, her eyes protruding with horror and swimming with tears. I stopped short, trying to figure out what she was getting at.

Wanted. Past tense. She thought I didn't want her anymore. I looked at her for a moment, realizing that this was a turning point. If I told her I still wanted her, I would be laying my pride aside, but I would still have a chance with her. If I told her it was all gone, I would hurt her, I would see her pain right here and now, and I would never get to hold her again. And I had never liked to see Hermione in pain.

"Want," I choked out, not wanting to admit it to her.

"Then stop destroying yourself, Ron!" she said immediately, as though she'd rehearsed this conversation. "Come back to me, and stop drinking yourself into nothing!"

"You think I'm nothing?" I said angrily.

"No!" she said, her own voice rising. People would hear us soon if we didn't keep ourselves in check. But that was something we had never been good at. "I think you'll _become_ nothing if you keep this up!"

"Well, thanks for your vote of confidence!" I shouted. "It's nice to know that even when I put my neck out there for you, you're still going to shut me down! Forget you, Granger!" Using her last name seemed to be like a slap in the face to her. It was like taking back all the years of friendship and love we'd shared. In my anger, I wasn't sure if I wanted to even remember her name anymore.

"Stop it!" she shrieked. "Stop saying things you _don't mean_!"

"What do you know about what I mean?" I glared at her, my voice rising with each sentence. "What do you know, Hermione? All you know is that I was drinking a lot! Did you even bother to find out why?"

"I figured it was because you felt like you had nothing to do and nothing to offer anymore!" she shouted. "But you wouldn't even come to me and talk to me!"

"MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE ASKED!" I yelled. Ginny peeked in the door of the kitchen behind Hermione, gasped, and closed the door. The others could hear us now, but I didn't care.

"I'm sorry, Ron," said Hermione finally, her voice back at a normal level. I stopped again, my retort lost.

"What?"

"I'm sorry," she said again. "You're right. I should have asked. I knew something was wrong, but I expected you to tell me. But maybe you didn't even realize it then. I should have helped you instead of trying to make you ask for help." I stared at her for a moment, all the anger disappearing out of me.

She looked up into my eyes, and I realized then that she was only inches from me now. She'd moved, or I'd moved, or we both had, and I hadn't even noticed.

"If I stay with you, will you stop drinking?" she asked piteously. She had finally let down her walls, and I could hear fear causing her voice to shake. She didn't really have the confidence to offer this. She was asking me what I loved more – her or alcohol – and she was afraid of the answer because she truly didn't know what it was.

I knew what the answer was, though. I leaned down and kissed her for the first time in months, and all of the sensations I'd forgotten about returned in force. My heart beat faster, my mind spun, and my breathing was loud and ragged, but I didn't care because I could hear that her heart was racing as well, her breathing just as loud as mine. She clutched herself to me, trying to get rid of all space between us.

As we broke up, I hear a small spattering of applause, and there was a cluster of people in the doorway, Harry and Ginny in front, all clapping. Hermione groaned and put her face in my chest.

I was torn between laughter and swearing at them loudly. I settled with smiling and flipping them all the bird, to which everyone laughed and moved back into the party. Harry stayed, though, and walked into the kitchen with Hermione and I.

"I'm glad you're back, Ron," he said, clapping me on the back. "Now, you can move back in with Hermione, and quit that stupid job, and _come back to Hogwarts with me_!" I laughed.

"You always knew I'd go back with you," I said.

"I almost wish I was going, too," said Hermione, squeezing my hand. "But I've been studying so much there's no real point." We all fell into conversation easily. It was amazing – I hadn't thought it would be so easy to be best friends again, I thought it would take much more work. But it was normal, just as it had always been.

It didn't matter that I hadn't seen them in months, that Hermione and I had just fought, made up, and snogged in Harry's kitchen. All that mattered was that everyone was right where he or she was supposed to be. I was with Hermione, Harry was with Ginny, and the four of us were inseparable. It was wonderful to feel at home again for the first time in two months.

I leaned down and kissed Hermione on her forehead, and she shuddered in towards me at the touch.

Yes, everything would work out. She was priority number one. Not everything was quite fixed yet, but I would fix it. I would make sure that Hermione and I were perfect. Or, as perfect as we could be. She seemed to think it was a great idea as well.

"I missed you," she whispered as we Apparated back to her – our – apartment.

"I missed you," I said back. "I don't know how I got through two whole months without you. Let's never do that again."

"Agreed," she said. I heard the unspoken conditions there, but I didn't care. Any condition was worth having Hermione.

And now, I had her. I kissed her, and she was mine.


End file.
